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Stop Telling Me I'm Crazy

     Gaslighting. For all its intent and purpose is one of those things that somehow get unchecked and somehow gives you a sense of "What just happened here?". The gaslighters love to tell you what they want you to believe and may even argue with you so that you may lose track of what is said to you. When I started dating "The Bully," he knew I got away from an abusive relationship before him, so he sensed a vulnerability in me. He knew he could use this vulnerability against me to question how I felt about the last relationship and (honestly, I still should've worked on myself) if it was something I did or didn't do. I told him I didn't do anything to cause the last boyfriend to hurt me, but that only made him dive deeper to get more information to use against me. I started trusting his thoughts on my feelings without realizing that he was trying to control my mind. I've never heard of the term gaslighting for eight years, only to look back and see where I missed these red flags that should've saved me.

    The gaslighting tactic is one of the first things they use to conform to their bidding. The gaslighter might do things to argue with you, confuse you, then re-arrange the truth to match whatever it is they're trying to make you believe. If you try and defend your words or actions, they might say things like, "You're crazy," "You're ridiculous," "It's your fault," etc.

There are other tactics if you try to end the relationship with the gaslighter. For example, the gaslighter might tell others anything about you so that you look crazy to the people they are trying to convince. They might say things like, "They use drugs," "They sleep around," (they being you), etc. The gaslighter is not only bashing your reputation but creating a team of people set up to back up the gaslighter at their disposal. 

This type of bully I have experienced wanted control, power over me, and for what? When I look back on it sometimes, I feel as though I was a punching bag, an empty shell, an object to take off the shelf to show off. I don't know, and I don't think I ever will know. With all this person took from me, he still had no idea who I was because he was too busy defining me with his gaslighting. 

Location: Syracuse, NY, USA

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