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Brain Damage Limitations

     After being punched in the head, slapped in the face so hard the opposite ear bled, and countless times my confidence kept getting wasted away, I suddenly realized I was afraid to do the things I used to do before those relationships. I also feel I am in a state of flux with myself being on the defensive about almost anything. While I am in these relationships and during the healing phase (which has lasted years for me), I have made some of the worst decisions of my life with rebound relationships and moving residences. "Why do you stay?" they ask, but they could never understand the whole dynamic of a toxic relationship and how that person can deceive you slowly over time, that you don't see it. For people in love, it can be an easy thing to forgive their transgressions. That's what love is, right?! When a toxic person has wronged their victim and wants forgiveness, they are so overly sly and sweet that "how could you not forgive them"? Over time you come to the abuse cycles where you feel stuck, afraid, and wish you could wake from the nightmare the abuser put you in. 

    In the present, I am healing, but there are small things I am afraid of doing. I am hesitant to put makeup on because if I leave, I get triggers when I come back home, even though no one there will criticize the way I look. I have gone out dressed up when I'm having a good day, so I take it one step at a time as much as possible. 

Psychology Today has been a resource for me in realizing the abuse I faced. Here is a relevant article for this post.

Location: Syracuse, NY, USA

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