If I were to tell you that I fall apart inside every day while I look happy, would you believe me? It was a question that I wanted to ask people who thought I was with a very good man who appeared to have an okay life. I was a victim of child abuse until I moved out of my parents' house at 19. Five boyfriends from age 20 to 45 were all Hell. All of them were abusive, each of them having a different method. Unfortunately, my children paid the price for the choices I made. I had no idea my decisions were being taken from me by the bullies with emotional, verbal, sexual, and physical abuse. In my early 30s, I became educated on generational abuse. The bully I lived with made me believe he was correct on disciplining the children (he was probably a victim too), that I became passive and should've stopped him. I swore I would never hit my kids or say mean things to them as a child. When he was disciplining the children, I had a flight or fright issue stuck on fright.