Let's Talk About Narcissistic Abusers

       After being punched in the head, slapped in the face so hard the opposite ear bled, and countless times my confidence kept getting wasted away, I suddenly realized I was afraid to do the things I used to do before those relationships. I also feel I am in a state of flux with myself being on the defensive about almost anything. While I am in these relationships and during the healing phase (which has lasted years for me), I have made some of the worst decisions of my life with rebound relationships and moving residences. "Why do you stay?" they ask, but they could never understand the whole dynamic of a toxic relationship and how that person can deceive you slowly over time, that you don't see it. For people in love, it can be an easy thing to forgive their transgressions. That's what love is, right?! When a toxic person has wronged their victim and wants forgiveness, they are so overly sly and sweet that "how could you not forgive them"? Over time you

       Mental health seems so hard to treat in the United States. I tried to get myself in psychotherapy about 15 years ago, but that blew up in my face. The insurance I had, which I paid $125 a week, did not cover these services. The sessions cost $190 a session. I also did not like the therapist very much. I felt she was using her own opinions about an action many people do and is widely accepted even as a therapy. Still, she told me people who practice it have mental illnesses, and there are serious issues. I thought it was pretty biased and that she should be more open-minded. I also figured I was wasting my money, and I needed my money because I'm a single mother. Kids are a different story. Kids are always covered 100% for these services until they are 19. Now, I can't get the help I need because I went through all this abuse. I feel I learned how to cope or push it aside to concentrate on my kids, but I rebounded 5 years after I left the last abusive relationship.